


3/27/2017

by ryekamasaki



Series: Ry's Daily Ficlets 2k17 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-11 01:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13513647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryekamasaki/pseuds/ryekamasaki
Summary: A little introspection featuring Suga.





	3/27/2017

There wasn’t much worse than not knowing whether you’ve done something wrong or not. Koushi had a terrible habit of dropping into a period of thinking the worse of himself, of second guessing any slightly too long pause directed at him, of thinking himself an annoyance. He was assured that it wasn’t the case, of course, and it’s not like he distrusted his friends, but there was always that little voice telling him he wasn’t, would never be, good enough.  
  
It wasn’t an unusual feeling, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. In fact Koushi wasn’t sure it would ever be easy to deal with, and he wasn’t particularly looking forward to long years of figuring it out. Sometimes it would abate, and he could convince himself that he was fine, that everything was going great and his life was wonderful. And during those times he felt great, could exclaim truthfully and confidently that he was awesome, felt like he could do anything he wanted and it would be great.  
  
And then that feeling would creep back in, and his friends’ compliments sound placating instead of comforting, and any pause feels like a silent affirmation that he’s talking too much, _being_ too much. The urge to ask if he’s being annoying is strong, and the only thing that holds him back from asking is the thought that asking itself is annoying. Giving in to the urge to ask isn’t very helpful either, because what if the answer is ‘no’ just to get him to stop?  
  
It’s terrible to need constant reassurance, to feel like a burden when it seems like no one else needs the same thing. To need so much attention and consideration, to feel left out of things even though he knows he’s not. To think that others are chosen over him and being able to find a million reasons why it could be true and a million more that pop up when he convinces himself differently. It’s a struggle, and he knows the voice in his head isn’t one he should be listening to, that he should be listening to the people who care about him.  
  
(Even if that voice tells him they don’t.) They do, he tells himself, and if they didn’t they would say something. The voice argues that it would be too much work, too much effort, that _he’s_ too much work and too much effort. It might be true, but that’s what relationships are about. It’s about caring for each other no matter how much work it is, how much effort it takes. This is what he tells himself, over and over. That people do care, and if they didn’t they wouldn’t bother. That the people he knows would at least have the courtesy to say they’re done before leaving.  
  
He hopes he’s right.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](http://ryekamasaki.tumblr.com/).


End file.
